A bloody good Valentine

By Faheem Ahmed     1/22/09 6:00pm

It's official: Everything needs to be made into 3-D! Just like the groundbreaking innovations of movies with sound and color in the early 20th century, 3-D technology is completely revolutionizing the American cinema experience, and My Bloody Valentine uses the technology admirably.Traditionally, 3-D has been reserved for adventure rides at Universal Studios or nature exhibits at the IMAX, but now it has the potential to rejuvenate the incredibly stale and unoriginal horror genre.

Imagine a burning car crashing through the flatscreen into your living room, a running back diving across your coffee table or, hell, two girls making out on your leather sofa! 3-D movies are perfectly suited for the genre, and it is truly remarkable that other horror gurus never thought of filming in three dimensions.

My Bloody Valentine captivates the audience from the moment the opening credits roll inches from their faces. Bleeding hearts, gouged eyeballs, splattered guts and flying pickaxes soar into the theater, much to viewers' horror and delight. Despite the fact that My Bloody Valentine uses the 3-D as a gimmick to startle the audience, it completely immerses viewers in the film and makes them feel like part of the action.

---

---

My Bloody Valentine follows the tragic massacre that takes place in the fictional mining town of Harmony, where a deranged miner once murdered 22 people on the eve of Valentine's Day. Ten years later, Jensen Ackles ("Supernatural") returns to his old town and the murders resume. Is the deranged miner back for revenge or is a copycat killer acting in his place?

Right off the bat, it is obvious that director Patrick Lussier (Scream) made this movie purely for fun and entertainment. Unlike other crappy horror movies that delude themselves into thinking they are seriously good (read last week's review of The Unborn), Lussier knows that the plot of this film is ludicrous and embraces it. The result is an extremely entertaining horror movie.

The murders are so violent that viewers may actually find themselves chuckling in amazement. Every 15 minutes, when audiences are thinking there is no way the murderer will be able to top his previous kill, he does. Highlights of the ridiculously awesome kills include a shovel through a girl's face, a pickaxe through an old dude's jaw and a midget speared into a ceiling tile. This is not the movie for people who are easily grossed out by fake blood and exaggerated gore.

All in all, My Bloody Valentine delivers exactly what it promises: a few authentic startles, loads of gore and a tremendous amount of gratuitous female nudity. The actors are decent enough, although a more versatile actor than Ackles could have helped. Also, the use of 3-D animation shows the medium's growing pains; in several instances it could have been better utilized to scare the crap out of the audience. The use of 3-D in My Bloody Valentine is a good start, however, and this technology will undoubtedly catch flame in the horror industry. Let it be shouted unto every corner of the kingdom: within 10 years, watching a movie in 2-D will be analogous to watching a movie in black-and-white.

---