Backpage's Voyages Through the Annals of History

By Tim Faust & Eric Doctor     1/15/09 6:00pm

Welcome to the Backpage's Journey through the Annals of History! Because the Backpage can't go online each week, we've chosen to dig up an article from the Thresher's past and put it online for the world to rediscover. We've also recorded two audio readings in case all these words get too burdensome on your eyes. Please enjoy and send any comment to backpage@rice.edu.

This week's article comes from the November 19, 1955, issue of the Thresher. All of the original text has been reproduced, including misspellings and grammatical errors.

Click here to have Tim read you the story.

---

---

Click here to have Doc read you the story.

Milling Around: Society Column

No Room For Rice Boys In Sadie Hawkins Plan

Rumor has it that in December we're going to have a Backwards week. This is also known as Sadie Hawkins week, TWERP Week, and Ah, Our Chance Has Finally Come Week. In connection with these plans, a representative group of Rice girls met last week and formed a voluntary league for the purpose of planning common strategy, Rice Girls Anonymous. The choice of this name rests on two factors: Like another Anonymous group, they seek to remedy a situation and break an unfortunate habit; and the situation they seek to remedy and the unfortunate habit they wish to break are implied in the name, Rice Girls Anonymous.

But contrary to popular opinion, it will not be the Rice boys who are rushed. Oh, the popular few will be asked, but mostly the girls will date University of Houston and Lamar boys. Others will come stag (i.e., doe). A certain stigma will be attached free of charge to Rice boys who come without dates.

They Study

There are numerous reasons why few Rice boys may be asked. "They're dated up so far in advance." "Rice boys have to study." "Who wants to date a Rice boy anyway!"

One technique the girls are now seeking to master is the telephone call. There are four systems of attack: 1) The long call -- talk from two to three hours on Ezra Taft Benson's parity plan, or something just as interesting. End the conversation with, "Have you ever been asked to the Backward Dance? No? Too bad." 2) the short call -- "May I borrow your blanket tax?" 3) The unmitigated nerve call -- "Do you know if so-and-so has a date?" 4) The request for a date call -- this should be used only as a last resort call (nothing else to do that night) and should be employed not before 6:30 pm the night of the proposed date.

Let It Fizz

The dance should be a real treat, boys. The girls will keep up a delightful patter such as, "Who is that good looking boy over there?" and "Mix six ounces of bourbon, two of vodka, add lemon, sugar, ice and ammonia and let it fizz."

Female stags will be numerous, and occasionally, when flagged down by a girl who's tired of you, they'll dance. Otherwise, they'll stand in the corner and tell dirty jokes. If you make dull company, your date may soon be among them.

It's the Sidewalk

Your date will bring along a fifth of bourbon, boys. (This is for her, kid, not for you.) While you look bravely on, she'll guzzle herself into sublime happiness. On the way home she'll confidently tell you that she never gets too drunk to see the white line. You will meekly inform her that the white line she's following is the sidewalk.

When you arrive home (about 4 am) she'll ask if she can come in. If you explain how late it is, she'll understand. She'll slouch down in her seat and turn on the radio to some romantic arrangement of Rock and Roll. Then she'll breathe her alcoholic breath on you, and pulling you close, she'll leer expectantly with her bloodshot eyes. From this point on, boys, it's your problem.

---