Beer Bike safety depends on efficiency

By Wen Wen     3/26/09 7:00pm

It is said that Beer Bike security is the most "sucky" on-campus volunteering experience that one could possibly find. Yet for people who are "forced" to do security, knowing how to outwit all the rules and regulations is of vital importance. After all, you don't want to miss out on this annual festival consisting of weeklong water balloon filling, campus-wide underage drinking, sporadic cheer battles and, unofficially, the largest water balloon fight in the world.Rule No. 1: The Beer Bike coordinators will tell you that you should never show up drunk. Well, the truth is that you just can't show up obviously drunk. And the best way to avoid that is to start drinking as early as possible, so that you can avoid any hangovers or puking during security hours. Early bird catches the worm.

Rule No. 2: They will make sure that you are not assigned to work security for your own college, partly because you are not supposed to write down fines for your own college and partly because they don't want you to be distracted from your security job. Well, just keep in mind that college trucks are aligned in founding order, so memorize this order. Then manage to get assigned to the trucks adjacent to your college. Volunteer to work security for Brown if you're from Jones. Be a spy for Jones and steal water balloons from Brown - you know they have tons of balloons.

Rule No. 3: The coordinators will also tell you that you are supposed to have your Beer Bike Security shirt on all the time. But when you are tired from doing security and want to join your college in the water balloon fight, the highlighter- green security shirt becomes your greatest burden. Take it off? Where are you going to put it? Have it on? Well, your lovely Beer Bike coordinator will always be there to shout at you. Instead, learn sewing from your grandma and turn your college Beer Bike shirt into armor. Now you can put it on within seconds when it is time to fight the battle; you can also easily put your security shirt back on when the Beer Bike coordinators come to check.

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Rule No. 4: You will be given a board and asked to write down fines. But you should never take the board of fines - don't even consider it. Think about all the details you have to put down - type of fine, name of college, where, when, how, etc. It takes forever to write, so why not just let others do it while you sneak back to your own college and throw water balloons at people you hate? Although security personnel are not supposed to fight, the joy of being able to throw balloons at others while telling your victims that they are incurring ridiculously high fines for their colleges if they retaliate can never be surpassed.

Learn these rules, and you'll be set for just as much fun as the rest of your balloon-slinging college compatriots. Well, maybe not as much fun, but at least it won't be "sucky."

On a more serious note, though, Beer Bike has long been viewed as the most exciting Rice event for all undergrads, graduate students and alumni, yet it is also the most dangerous event due to its enormous scale. Without Beer Bike security personnel, all Beer Bike participants put their legs and arms at risk. The emphasis on safety seems particularly important at this point, and the understanding and cooperation of the entire Rice community is needed to make Beer Bike safe for everyone. Thus, I must caution security to keep in mind the importance of their role in keeping the rest of the student body safe. As long as you don't succumb to the temptation to join in on the fun, you can help make Beer Bike a pleasant experience for everyone.

Wen Wen is a Lovett College freshman.

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