Online only: Denver dishes out Screw Date ideas and parent problems

9/10/09 7:00pm

Dear Denver, I love my roommate, but she always brings her boyfriend to our dorm and that bothers me because I'm trying to study. I know that the best way is to communicate with her, but I am afraid that she would be unhappy about it and I would be uneasy whenever I am around her boyfriend. Please help me.

-DearDenver fan

Dear DearDenver fan,

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If your roommate and her boyfriend are making you uncomfortable then you have to do something about it. It is good that you care about your roommate, but if you are not happy then there is no way you can care about other peoples' happiness. Your happiness has to come before the happiness of your roommate.

You are the one who said that they are making you uncomfortable, so talking about it can't make it much worse. Do not write a letter, because those can often be misinterpreted. Just start talking to her about it while you are both in the room without the boyfriend. Tell her that him being there too often makes you uncomfortable and that the whole living together thing is a compromise. And along with that you have to remember to make some compromises yourself: He should be allowed over some of the time, and you can go study in the library every now and then. Talk to each other to find out what works best for everyone.

Of course, the more fun option is to sabotage their relationship. If they aren't dating then he won't come around anymore to make you feel uncomfortable. And there are so many ways to accomplish this. Tell her you saw him hooking up with another girl. Try to set him up on a Screw date with someone else who is smokin' hot. Scare him away by constantly talking about female problems whenever he comes over. Probably the most sinister is to steal him away from her. Then he will be going to your room to see you and she will get a feel for what it is like. That will teach your roommate some respect.

Of course, that would just be mean.

Dear Denver,

What should I get my roommate to wear on this year's Screw Yer Roommate?

-Lacking Creativity

Dear Lacking Creativity,

Screw Yer Roommate is next week so you better get started looking and planning. On a side note, I have set up many more people than my roommates, so if you need a date for your roommate I can help. Feel free to send it in as a question, but I would like to know who you and your roommate are. Now, onto business.

The best costumes are things that work in pairs, so I'm going to start off simple and see where it goes.

Salt and Pepper

Milk and Cereal

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Chips and Salsa

Hotdog and Bun

Superman and Lois Lane

Stapler and Staple Remover

A Computer Chip and a Dorito Chip

An Old Man and a Lolli (preferable switched genders)

A Pig (Wiessman) and a Goat (Jonesian)

Angel and Devil

A pair of shoes

Carpet and Drapes (they have to match)

Republican and Democrat

S and M

Barack and Michelle Obama

Leebron and Ping

McMurtry and Duncan

A Bottle of Booze and a Failing Exam Grade

Sketchy Furniture and some sort of STD

Dear Denver,

What suggestions can you give someone to help them deal with overcontrolling, overbearing parents?

-Problems With Parents

Dear Problems With Parents,

You left out an important piece of information: Are you still dependent on your parents? If they pay for you to go to college and basically help you get through life, then you kind of have to kiss their ass for now. You first have to think about what it is you really want. What is more important to you - being able to go to an awesome college and drive a car and talk on that cell phone, or winning an argument that doesn't really matter? Sometimes you have to let them win the small battle in order for you to get what you want in the long run. It is much easier to just say they are right and do something minor in order to have them still give you money and whatever else you might be leeching off of them, because that's all kids are initially good for.

Thus, put up with them for the longest time while slowly working towards independence. Then that fateful day will finally come where you do not rely on your parents at all. You are a free person. At this point you can really say whatever you want to your parents. You can let them know that they have ruined your life and that you hate them and wish they were never your parents. You can do that, but remember that they are still your parents and you have leeched off of them somewhere between 18 and 22 years, and that would be a pretty jerky thing to do. Once you reach that point you should definitely assert your authority, but you do not want to burn any bridges. You never know when you might have engine troubles and have to buy a new car or when someone might break into your house and take all of your valuables. When this happens your parents are probably the first people you are going to go crawling back to for help. So make sure that they know you are basically on your own, but try not to cut them from your life unless they are just making it worse by being there.

Denver Greene, a Brown College senior, is not a professional and is not responsible for anything stupid that you do. Please submit questions by email to thresher@rice.edu or by going to www.brown.rice.edu/deardenver.

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