Dear Denver: When it is just "too loud

By Denver Greene     11/5/09 6:00pm

Dear Denver,

I usually like this column, but I have to say the advice given to the person being sexually harassed ("Dear Denver: Advice on Poaching, The Man", Oct. 23) was terrible! For one thing, it is really inappropriate, sad and upsetting to see the victim of such harassment being made fun of by someone to whom he or she is reaching out for help. Accepting harassment from superiors without complaint does not equal "being able to take a joke." Saying something like "you've really got yourself into it this time" is another example of blaming the asker for being harassed. And that's just not right. You need to check your attitude, Denver. This week, you failed.

-Surprised and DisappointedDear Surprised and Disappointed,

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First, I would like to thank you for reading my column and providing constructive criticism. I'm not used to the criticism being constructive.

You are absolutely correct in that I was unnecessarily harsh to my questioner, Uncomfortable Underling, when I said that he or she couldn't take a joke. My only rebuttal to this is that, because the questioner didn't explicitly say "harassment," I believed it was not all that grave of a situation. I probably should have noticed this either way and omitted the comment. I also should have mentioned the Houston Area Women's Center, reachable at 713-528-6798 or 713-528-RAPE in emergencies.

Dear Denver,

After a party last night, I brought a girl back to my apartment. Turns out she was a screamer, and while I didn't mind the noise, my neighbors did. I've made the appropriate apologies, but this has made me wonder: What level of sex noise is "too loud"?

-Maintaining Peace During the Evening's Destruction

Dear Maintaining Peace During the Evening's Destruction,

Very eloquent name; it just rolls off the tongue. While there is no cultural standard for what is "too loud," people can feel very uncomfortable when hearing their neighbors doing the no-pants dance. You should still be careful, because that behavior could be considered sexual harassment. (I have a feeling that could only happen in America.)

If your neighbors complain too much about the screamer then you should tell them about poor Colin Chapman, from Deeping St. James, England. His wife, Jenny, snores at 111.6 decibels. Don't know exactly how loud 111.6 dB is? Think about sleeping next to a train station or an airport. And guess what? She snores louder than that. If her husband can put up with that for 18 years, your neighbors should be able to deal with it for one night.

It also really just depends on your neighbors and what degree of voyeurism they enjoy. I believe as a general rule that no one should be forced to endure as many decibels as poor Mr. Chapman. So adding up the years and decibels and doing some fancy number crunching, I have calculated the threshold for loud sex noise at 2,932,848 dB per hour for two hours, if you can last - or survive - that long.

Dear Denver,

Do you have any ideas for fun dates that are inexpensive?

-Bored and Broke

Dear Bored and Broke,

If you are a Rice student, you should really take advantage of nearby attractions. I rather like going to the zoo or to one of the many museums that offer free admission to students. Take the object of your interest on a date to a museum and you'll find how easy it is to spark one of those rare intelligent conversations: This will show you if the person is fun and interesting, or if he or she is just another pretty face.

Hop on the light rail and head downtown to explore. There are some very pretty parks worth visiting that are littered with random city beautification projects and homeless people. Please don't mess with either. I am also pretty sure you can find cheap tickets to the gun show. You know which one I'm talking about.

It's also well known that in hard economic times, contraceptive sales go up, and as lucky Rice students, we have a leg up (so to speak) on this, too. Stop by the Wellness Center to learn some relaxation techniques and to pick up some condoms. This is arguably the cheapest, most fun date you can have.

Denver Greene, a Brown College senior, is not a professional and is not responsible for anything stupid that you do. Please submit questions by e-mail to thresher@rice.edu or by going to www.brown.rice.edu/deardenver.

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