Lack of discussion stigmatizes sexuality

By Amanda Hu     12/3/09 6:00pm

It would be no novelty to discuss the complacency and apathy of young people toward many issues, from presidential politics to environmentalism to community service. But in no other domain have I experienced such denial and insularity as with the topic of sexuality.Too often, an interest in a sexual topic leads to certain assumptions about one's immorality or sexual experience, when sexuality is instead something that we should all publicly embrace. Rather than stifling interests in such a forbidden yet compelling realm, we should release this misconstrued Pandora's box of sinful temptations and allow ourselves to explore freely and openly, in the way that it is meant to be.

The uncomfortable attitudes toward sex and sexuality are ingrained in our educational system. Growing up, some of us may have thought that sex could eventually be discussed openly in classes without snickers or averted glances - that after those awkward moments of our adolescent years, we would leave that discomfort behind. Yet this is often not the case. I took a research methods class last year that administered surveys with questions about sex, a topic that was narrowly decided upon by popular vote.

Although the brainstorming, discussion and application of research were all carried out, our instructors seemed very uneasy and embarrassed throughout the entire process, as were some of the students. This case was a prime example of how people would rather keep such topics absent in frank conversation, away from confrontation and in the realm of the unsaid.

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It is easy enough to see why people are secretive about their own sexual histories: We can be judged mercilessly with something as token as a purity score or a single disclosure during a drunken game of "never have I ever." Within seconds, a person's entire sexual past is reduced to a single sentence or a dry number. This reductionist undertaking has also invaded our diction: Countless euphemisms and vulgarities are used to describe a person "having sex with" someone else.

Rice's social structure has its own deterrents for guardedness: hookup webs, our intertwined closeness with one another and the alarmingly conflagrative nature of gossip at such a small school. But I'm not vouching for people to reveal more about themselves than they are comfortable doing; rather, I think it is important to try to step outside of the confines that restrict sexuality from becoming a topic of discussion and exploration.

We cannot deny that our sexuality is a part of us - it is a facet of every human being's life, whether that person is young or old, experienced or inexperienced, religious or not, male or female or other.

And as shown by the research of Larry Nucci, who examines morality from a social and psychological standpoint, sexual conventions blur the line between morality and convention - leading to even more confusion on a personal level. Is it morally wrong for even basic matters such as premarital sex, masturbation and the use of birth control to occur, or are the associated violations simply orders that are placed upon us to help society run more smoothly? How can we find out, if we are unwilling to acknowledge or even examine the issues at all? The efforts of abstinence-only or even nonexistent sex education in schools aggravate, rather than lessen, the entanglements and controversies that surround our sexual identities.

As we grow and learn in college and in life, I hope that we allow views on sexuality to develop and flourish as well. If you believe in freedom of sexual expression, do more than merely allow it to happen - support it and embrace it. If we are proactive, we can change the course of social conventions, and command for ourselves the right to become independent individuals, without formal statutes getting in the way. And while it may take a long time for society to change its views on close-mindedness, we can resist such regulations on a personal level.

There are rarely straight or easy answers to questions of this topic. I cannot fill in the blank to the line "Sex is ______" any more easily than I can answer "Humanity is ______." Instead, I propose that people have the willingness to approach and integrate sexuality as part of their lives. On this delicate brink between youth and adulthood, we eventually have to come to terms with who we are, to defy or adhere to what we have been taught and to set forth on a path of our own choosing. This is a place where we are surrounded by an immense wealth of different perspectives, experiences and backgrounds, impeded only by our own inflexibility. And if we are willing to broaden our minds toward sexuality, we can enrich another aspect of our quintessence throughout our life's journey.

Amanda Hu is a Baker College senior and Open Magazine Articles Editor.

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