Real sympathy for mentally ill requires awareness, openness

By Amanda Roussel     1/28/10 6:00pm

As the spring semester begins, students leave the holiday warmth of their families to return to problem sets and design projects that pile up like the dead leaves that litter the quad. Less conspicuous this time of year, however, is that winter can be an especially difficult time for those with mental illnesses, a significant but often unrecognized and untreated portion of the collegiate population.University years, typically when arresting uncertainty and ambiguity proliferate, are a particularly trying time for the mentally ill. As someone who suffered from mental illness while at Rice and has friends still there with similar afflictions, I understand that the fear of stigma and even university retribution prevents many from seeking help - a dangerous prospect for youth who typically have little familial support nearby and a plethora of means by which to harm themselves. In light of this, I ask you, the reader, to resolve to develop a more authentic sympathy for the mentally sick, especially those with whom you learn and reside.

Common responses to the mentally ill's anguish, even when they are close colleagues, roommates and friends, are like the visceral reactions to the homeless. The mentally ill lack a stable emotional and mental refuge from the onslaught of life, just as the homeless lack a roof over their heads to protect them from the elements. Most of the time when we encounter the homeless, we feign their nonexistence, becoming suddenly blind and deaf to their begging and passing by quickly with a pained but studied indifference.

Similarly, we can falsely believe that the best way to "respect" those close colleagues, roommates and friends who passively and sometimes actively appeal for consolation is to "let them do their own thing." We ignore them in part so we do not embarrass them, but mostly because we do not wish to entangle ourselves in their seemingly innumerable webs of pain.

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Occasionally, we yell, "Get a job!" or "Get over yourself!" to the apparently able-bodied homeless and mentally ill, respectively, who seem to be willfully seeking their own ruin. Or, we can linger in saccharine sentimentality that compels us to throw a dollar to the homeless so we can atone for our small part in the systemic sin, as their condition is merely the product of unjust social forces. We comfort the mentally ill with pop-psychology platitudes that emphatically remove all responsibility for their condition.

Both of these responses are the unhealthy extremes in regard to human agency. The former places all culpability upon the afflicted, claiming that they are completely responsible for their fate and therefore must fully shoulder the burden. Even though they may bear some responsibility for their state, this does not exclude the obligation to shoulder some of the burden when we have the strength.

Meanwhile, the latter sentimentality has a reductionist bent that denies the sufferer's will. This is a false sympathy that many default to because it appears the least judgmental. I vigorously dispute this, as the sufferer's will to live and be well, however battered, is the only thing that can ultimately drive one on the journey to successful healing. Both reactions originate from a sense of overwhelming impotence to help the seemingly infinite suffering of a finite mind.

So what are the alternatives? To have authentic sympathy for the mentally ill, one should first acknowledge the illness in all its various self-destructive trappings. If friends confide in you, do not be afraid to talk about their struggles with them. It can be a frustrating prospect, as there are temptations to condemn, pontificate or to feel superior, and these friends are not always the easiest to talk to. When their mental illness is clearly self-destructive, call them out. Not in public, of course, but let them know that their actions affect more than just themselves.

Moreover, remind them that there are always little things that they can do to improve their situation. Encourage them to continue in spite of their fear of failure, in spite of their fear of rejection. As G.K. Chesterton says, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." And of course, the prudent thing in all cases is to urge the ill to seek professional help.

Though these exhortations for authentic sympathy for the mentally ill appear daunting, the smallest kindnesses make a world of difference. During the more acutely insidious moments I had at Rice, there were countless friends and professors who gave me genuine hope to heal through their thoughtful words and deeds. Knowingly or unknowingly, they shone light to me through living the second greatest commandment, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," even when that neighbor is troubled. To them I am very grateful. And someday, I hope you will be the person to whom someone is grateful as well.

Amanda Roussel is a Hanszen College alumna.

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