Casual Dating

By Allie Schaich and Farrah Madanay     11/8/12 6:00pm

Our second casual date was a mess. Pumpkin innards and seeds were strewn across the tabletops of the Hanszen College sundeck as our dates and friends carved out designs ranging from an elephant to a Rice University owl. Christmas music hummed from a laptop as seven couples got down and dirty carving up their pumpkins. Against a backdrop of powderpuff teams playing on the intramural fields, pumpkin carving with a group of friends on campus bore little semblance to a date night. Indeed, one of us had not even mustered the courage to ask out a date and opted instead to invite a friend. Throughout the course of the evening, it became very apparent that only one of us was on a real date and that the distinction between a real date and a friend date makes all the difference in successful casual dating.

Casual dating does not necessarily mean planning a three-part dream date with the person you have been crushing on in history class for the entire semester. It also does not mean going on a date with your friend after asking him via text, "Whole Foods? Cheap pizza?" and then forcing him to eat on a ripped piece of pizza box cardboard. What the casual date comes down to is one psychological phenomenon: stress. Stress, both eustress and distress, as our cross country coach says, is the best indicator of whether you are on a real date or have copped out and asked a friend. Our observations below, though certainly not universal truths, are dating principles we look to as we evaluate casual dating.

1. Anticipation - Before you ask someone on a real date, you should feel at least a twinge of anxiety. You go through the scenarios in your head: What if he says yes? What if he says no? What if he says he is busy, but maybe another time? The anxiety attributed to the unknown compels you to second-guess yourself and reflect on your worth as a date-able specimen. In contrast, when you ask a friend on a date, his response will not make or break your day.

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2. Asking - Even if they are witty, terse text messages, such as "hungry hungry hippos" or "want to nom om om?" are red flags that you are asking a friend on a date. Asking someone on a real date requires a little more effort. Inquiries do not need to be written on cakes or complemented with flowers, but they should be done in person. If you feel awkward, good: You will seem both genuine and endearing. Also, be sure to propose an activity or event that is enticing to both you and your date. Do not ask that hipster to a B L A C K I E concert at Fitzgerald's if you cannot stand screaming rap.

3. Appearance - When preparing for a real date, consult Fashion Gaze. But really, you should take your appearance into consideration, whether that means going shopping for appropriate apparel or borrowing that coveted article of clothing from your roommate's closet. You are definitely on a friend date if you arrive 40 minutes late with wet hair and a Rice T-shirt. After all, he has seen you in so many outfits and states - sick in pajamas, inebriated in a Night of Decadence Pikachu costume, breaking out in hives in your all-nighter library clothes - why should this occasion be any different?

4. Analyzing - On a real date, you will find yourself overthinking everything you say and do. You worry your laugh is obnoxious, your stories are slow-clap worthy and that you are word-vomiting in desperation to keep the conversation going. Then you proceed to read too far into everything your date says and does. Maybe he is quiet because he enjoys hearing your stories; maybe she is going to the restroom to fix her hair and not to call her friend to divulge the night's play-by-play. On a friend date, the person with whom you are eating pints of ice cream while sitting in the parking lot of HEB will assure you that your story is indeed lame and will text his friends mid-conversation. You will think nothing of it. 

5. Aftermath - How you feel after the date may be the best indicator of the type of date you just had. If you are eagerly anticipating a text from your date, agonizing over the stupidity of the three-day rule, and in the meantime constantly replaying the events and dialogue of the date in your mind, you went on a real date. You also went on a real date if you are already thinking about how to thoughtfully, yet quickly, ditch him, in the case that he actually likes you and you cannot reciprocate. If you are certain you will see him the next day to work on chemistry homework together, you are safely, whether you like it or not, in the friend zone.

Casual Dating is a column written by Wiess College sophomore Allie Schaich and Duncan College senior Farrah Madanay. The aim of Casual Dating is to encourage a laid-back dating culture at Rice.

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