sexuOWLity: The elusive female orgasm

By Yasna Haghdoost     11/19/14 12:33pm

Last year, a guy asked me if I’d ever had an orgasm. My answer: “Well, duh! Hasn’t everyone?”

Apparently not. Only half of girls have had an orgasm by the time they’re 16. Only 11 percent of women have an orgasm the first time they hook up with someone. That number goes up to 67 percent by the time they’re in a relationship with someone for six months (American Sociological Review). Ten to fifteen percent of adult women have never had an orgasm, ever (American Family Physician).

Or, as one Yik Yakker eloquently put it, “I hope Ebola finishes me off… unlike the guys at Rice.”

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Ouch.

An intuitive way to think about the disparity in orgasms between men and women is to consider this question: “Was the first time you had an orgasm by yourself or with someone else?” I’m willing to bet my clit that the majority of guys will answer the former, while for girls the latter is probably more likely, if they’ve ever come at all.

This in itself is pretty telling. While middle school boys jack away their horniness, most girls that age have no idea how to get themselves going. When it comes to the Big O, our developmental timelines are much more delayed than guys’. And can you blame us? The only reason I learned about the word “clitoris” in middle school was after hearing it in the lyrics from Eminem’s The Real Slim Shady, “And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids / And expect them not to know what a woman’s clitoris is.” Thank you, Eminem, for succeeding where my formal education failed.

Without getting into a long discssion of our culture’s weird perception of vaginas as something scary and sacred (just look at the ratio of dick jokes to vagina jokes), let’s focus specifically on the college experience. Here, I argue for a two-fold solution in making the female orgasm less elusive. On one hand, girls ought to sufficiently explore themselves if they haven’t already. On the other hand, guys ought to be especially mindful of a woman’s physical needs. One side note on the gendered nature of this article: The men I refer to are members of the Vagina Appreciation Society (e.g. hetero- or bi-sexual), while all proud vagina owners (regardless of whether they dig the D or not) can hopefully relate to this discussion.

I’ll address the men first. Look, I get it. Vaginas are complicated. If they weren’t, Georgia O’Keeffe wouldn’t have drawn so many goddamn “flowers.” But please keep a few things in mind next time you’re getting down and dirty with your consenting lady-friend. Eighty to 90 percent of women have difficulty orgasming from vaginal sex, so if you hook up with a girl for the first time and think your dick is God’s greatest gift to womankind, you are decidedly wrong. Remember that the vagina has far fewer nerve endings than the clitoris. Find her clitoris. If you aren’t thoroughly familiar with the female anatomy, do some research on the Internet (no, porn doesn’t count). And finally, put in the extra effort to make her feel comfortable.

A lot of girls never openly talked about their bodies growing up, so they may be self-conscious. This, coupled with stress, is a big mental block on women’s ability to come. I also respect that many gentlemen already do a wonderful job of satisfying their ladies, so please don’t take my advice as accusations indiscriminately leveled at the male sex. Penises are awesome, you are (probably) awesome and I am merely trying to ensure your partners think you are mind-blowingly awesome too.

Now to address the women. Look, I get it. Your vagina is complicated. But the next time your roommate isn’t around, mess around with yourself. After all, how can we expect other people to make us feel good if we can’t do it ourselves? Relax, get in the right state of mind, and don’t feel guilty or self-conscious because, for us, orgasms are as much a mental phenomenon as they are physical. In contrast, I would argue most guys could probably get off from fucking a pinata, provided said pinata is sufficiently lubricated. But don’t be deterred: The clitoris is the only human organ that serves absolutely no other function than to make you feel good. It’s essentially Mother Nature saying, “Look, I know periods are obnoxious, and the world is full of sexist assholes, but whenever life sucks, there’s this button with 8,000 nerve endings you get to press, and I swear it’ll feel amazing.” Thanks, Mother Nature. You da real MVP.

So, men and women of Rice: whether you’re sexually active or waiting until marriage, whether you’re single, in a serious relationship or just fucking around, I call upon all of us to come together (heh) and help create an environment where more of our ladies can come. After all, our nation was founded on the belief that every individual has the right to the pursuit of happiness, and, scientifically speaking, nothing can physiologically induce as much happiness as a massive, raging lady-boner.

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