The Thresher’s playlist for your quarantine-induced existential dread

By Jacob Tate     3/24/20 8:46pm

I talk about Spotify playlists on my resume, on my Tinder bio and in almost every human interaction I have. I’m pretty sure I ran into my Thresher section editor at a party and talked about Spotify playlists. So now I, ever the humanitarian, have emerged from my socially isolated attic room to bless the masses with my quarantine playlist. And you get it without having to swipe right on a black and white video of me playing The 1975 on guitar!

Songs are in no particular order and are mostly receptacles for my overwrought commentary. Enjoy!

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“In My Room” - Frank Ocean

Get it? Because we’re in quarantine and we’re in our rooms? No, I didn’t see this joke on Twitter, what are you talking about?

“Si Veo A Tu Mamá” - Bad Bunny

“Si Veo A Tu Mamá” remains the best song off of the best album of the year. It’s also topical in the lyric “Maldito año nuevo y lo que me trajo” (“Damned new year and what it brought me”), which is a whole mood. Additionally, “solo comparto memes / ya no escribo nada”(I only share memes /I  don’t write anything anymore”) applies to both my creative efforts and attempts to write essays.

“So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings” - Caroline Polachek

So you know when you finally get to know someone you really wanted to get to know but it’s the day before you go to debate nationals so you say you’ll hang after the break and then you’re in Lebanon, Illinois when school gets canceled so you don’t even get to say bye to them and now it’s five months until you see them? Oh, that’s just me. Right.

“Crush” - Tessa Violet

This ones for all the e-boys and e-girls and e-nonbinary folks we’re inevitably gonna fall for when we download TikTok. Neeko, if you’re reading this, I’m literally free for the rest of the summer. Copy editors, please put that watery eyes emoji in here.

“Love$ick (feat. A$AP Rocky)” - Mura Masa

“Love$ick” is up there with “The Less I Know The Better” as a litmus test for “cool” music taste, despite the fact that everyone listens to this song. Regardless, A$AP Rocky has a sexy voice and “Credit charge / Kermit the Frog / Margaritas / (Airhorn)” always lifts my spirits.

“Something Comforting” - Porter Robinson

This song makes me happy when life sucks. Send tweet.

“The Longest Day Ever” - Chet Porter

Since Porter Robinson’s cathartic “Fresh Static Snow (2019 Live Edit)” drop isn’t on Spotify, enjoy this blatant copy of it! 

“Ikkje min feil” - Mato Polo

Mato Polo said gay rights! Except in Norwegian! Google Translate tells me that’s “homofiles rettigheter.” Mato Polo said homofiles rettigheter! I want to drown in this song’s spaced-out drums and glistening guitar solo.

“Memphis” - Kitten

I don’t have anything clever to say here because I just genuinely love this song, with its coy, playful melodies and Avril Lavigne references. Please listen to this song and tell me it’s awesome to validate my music taste, the only thing I have in these dark times.

“Harmony Hall” - Vampire Weekend

“I don’t wanna live like this / But I don’t wanna die”

“Bestias de Ciudad” - Coco Cece

This is a beautiful, peaceful song that frustrates me only in the fact that it’s not the smash hit it deserves to be. The xylophone follows the melody of “Solo respira / Tranquilo / No hay prisa” (“Just breathe / Be calm / There’s no rush”). It’s awesome! If it’s not clear by now, I will get the three of you that have actually read to this point to listen to Spanish music if it kills me.

“Venice Bitch” - Lana Del Rey

Something about this song is isolationist to me. Lana Del Rey and Jack Antonoff float you out to sea to bob in the sepia toned waves, while Lou Reed plays his fuzz machine guitars from a single ray of sun descending from heaven. 

“Delete Forever” - Grimes

COVID-19 depresses the shit out of me. This is the three minutes, 57 seconds I’m allowing myself to cry before pulling myself together because the walls in my parents’ house are exceptionally thin.

“Sugar [Remix] (feat. Dua Lipa)” - BROCKHAMPTON

Dua Lipa absolutely crushes this. Pop girl prophecy is alive and thriving in 2020 because of our Kosovan queen effortlessly sliding earworms into our psyche. Oh, BROCKHAMPTON’s alright too, I guess. Don’t tell anyone, but I just loop the Dua Lipa part. 

“Dancing On My Own” - Elle Fanning

You will not be in a corner watching them kiss her, but you will be dancing on your own. Also, I’m aware this is a teen movie cover of Robyn’s classic bop but it’s a better version. I will not be taking questions on this matter.

“Ringtone [Remix] (feat. Charli XCX, Kero Kero Bonito and Rico Nasty)” - 100 Gecs

Can you customize Zoom ringtones?

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