Sniffles season: A Pisces moon’s guide to crying on campus

By Felicity Phelan     3/21/23 10:29pm

Even the happiest students in the country need to cry sometimes. If crying in your room is starting to feel overdone, fear not: as your resident Pisces moon and experienced campus crier, I’ve compiled a list of on-campus alternatives where you can let those tears flow.

Sewall Hall Basement: for a Subterranean Cry

There’s something magical about crying underground, and there’s nowhere more underground than first-floor Sewall. Freezing cold and consistently devoid of human life, empty Sewall basement classrooms are prime crying real estate. After you’re done, the dull, beige maze of Sewall’s identical hallways will lull you back into peaceful complacency before you ascend to the surface and continue with your day.

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Shepherd Practice Rooms: for a Fortissimo Cry

Did you know non-MUSIs can sign up for music lessons through Shepherd? Did you know they will give you a key to a soundproof practice room that hardly anyone ever goes into? Finally, did you know that the crying experience is greatly enhanced when it is done flanked by two concert grand pedal harps? I have cried multiple times in the harp practice room and only one of them has been in front of my harp teacher. Shepherd practice rooms are a great choice for wailers, claustrophiliacs and those with discerning tastes in their cry-room aesthetics.

The Couch Cubes on Kraft Hall Fourth Floor: for an In-Utero Cry

You know those weird couch cubicles on Kraft fourth? Blue, soft, private and enveloping, they’re a perfect choice if you’re craving a fetal-position cry that transports you back to the peace of the womb, before you were thrust into the horrors of human existence and chemistry homework. The fourth floor is usually pretty empty, but it is home to the economics department, so don’t be surprised if an ECON/BUSI double major swings by to inform you that spending time crying fails to maximize the efficiency of your human capital.

The Rec Showers: for a Full-Body Cry

Crying in the shower is iconic for many reasons: the privacy, the sound-masking and the drama. If your roommate has informed you that they can hear you sniveling through the walls of your bathroom, consider a migration to the showers at the Rec. They’re conveniently located right next to Wellbeing in case you want a post-cry debrief with a mental health professional, and they come with built-in cry-fodder: Rice’s cost of attendance is $74,000 a year (including a $109 Rec Center fee) and our Rec showers are still this grotsky.

Outdoors During Passing Periods: for an On-The-Go Cry

This one may come as a surprise. Crying? Outside? During the busiest time of the day? For those who have mastered the art of silent crying, passing periods present the perfect opportunity to slot in a sob between back-to-back classes. If you keep your head down, your phone out, and follow the flow of traffic, you’ll be swallowed up by the crowd and look like just another student hustling across campus. Remember, the key to this method is silence — unless you happen to pass a tour group, in which case you should let loose a few sniffles to give them a taste of the real Rice experience.

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