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(05/15/09 12:00am)
After sifting through piles of homework, pesky presentations and dreaded finals, the only thing keeping me motivated is the promise of fresh non-Houston summer air and the badass blockbuster movies that come with it. But seeing as our 2008-'09 academic year is finally coming to a close, I think it is most appropriate to take a look back at the movies released this past year, from the films that were visually stunning and emotionally compelling to the films that should have been thrown into the mouth of Mount Doom.
(04/17/09 12:00am)
Fast and Furious is the fourth film in this redundant franchise about car racing and stealing. I don't know what marketing genius came up with this horrendous title, but I'm sure they saved a lot of money on all the unsold toy cars and merchandise collecting dust in a warehouse. Who is going to notice a couple of measly "the"'s missing?Just like they recycled the title, director Justin Lin (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) and screenwriter Chris Morgan pretty much recycled the entire plot from the franchise's opening salvo. The film reunites the original four characters: the 'roided-out muscle-head Vin Diesel (Babylon A.D.), washed-up boy scout Paul Walker (Flags of Our Fathers), Michelle Rodriguez (S.W.A.T.), and hottie Jordana Brewster (Chuck). Heading back to the gritty streets of L.A., excon Diesel and agent Walker must put their former feud behind them when confronted with a mutual enemy, a drug lord named Braga. They have to depend on this new and uncertain relationship in order to take down the drug lord.
(04/10/09 12:00am)
The 21st century has ushered in many things: iPhone, text messaging, blogs and ... bromantic comedies? This new genre has been spearheaded by comedic guru Judd Apatow, who has brought us a slew of smart and funny films with a dash of love such as The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Apatow has also made stars such as Paul Rudd (Role Models), Seth Rogen (Superbad) and Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) household comedic names.But when Apatow is not involved in that comedic vein, it can show. Such is the case of I Love You, Man.
(03/27/09 12:00am)
If given the opportunity to sit in the DeLorean from Back to the Future, I wouldn't go back in time to bet a million dollars on the Giants winning the Super Bowl, and I wouldn't tell my dad to invest stock in Google. Heck, I wouldn't even warn people about impending national disasters. What I would do is gun that baby to 88 mph to the year 1996 and assassinate Nicholas Cage. Why 1996, you ask? That was the year The Rock was released, the last decent movie ever made by the over-the-hill loser. Since then, Cage has unleashed a torrent of crappy films, ruining comic book franchises (Ghost Rider), forcing us to acknowledge horrible hairstyles (Con-Air, Bangkok Dangerous ... dude, you're bald, get over it) and worst of all, making hot women look like coked-out hookers (Angelina Jolie in Gone in 60 Seconds). It's been thirteen years, dammit! Enough is enough, Cage. Either you retire from acting, or I call a national boycott on your garbage movies.Seriously, America. When will you learn? Knowing actually was No. 1 in the box office this past weekend, raking in over $24 million. The only thing I know about Knowing is that it sucked. That's my entire review. I wasted $8.50 - thank you, student discount - and almost two hours watching this steaming pile of crap that vaguely resembled cinema. But believe it or not, the first twenty minutes of the movie really was not that bad.
(03/20/09 12:00am)
Since when did Hollywood movies start having such crappy titles? There is actually a Channing Tatum film coming out in a couple of months named Fighting. Really? That's the only thing you million-dollar professionals could think of? Hmm, I wonder what that movie is about. The Last House on the Left, on the other hand, can be given some slack because it kept the title of the Wes Craven (A Nightmare on Elm Street series) original that made him one of the greatest horror geniuses of our generation.I fully expected yet another hackneyed suspense remake that had stripped away all semblance of creativity and wit from the original. Fortunately, I was mistaken, and The Last House on the Left was extremely entertaining. The film did not misguide the audience or have any self-delusions of grandeur. It delivers exactly what it promises: an hour and a half of non-stop action, brutal kills and sadistic torture. Sounds like the perfect first date movie, right?
(03/13/09 12:00am)
Oscar for "Best Trailer," then director Zack Snyder would have a couple of gleaming trophies sitting on his mantle. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, trailers used to be four minutes long, voiced over by a dude who sounded like he had emphysema and summarized the entire plot of the film.Enter the recently deceased Don LaFontaine: Using his deep iconic voice, LaFontaine single-handedly revolutionized the trailer concept. Since then trailers have become much tighter, featuring quick, exciting montages and samples of some of the best scenes from the film in an effort to garner audience interest. Snyder has absolutely perfected this method.
(02/20/09 12:00am)
Mid-February is a special time dedicated to romance: setting up candlelit dinners, frolicking under the covers with a loved one, gorging upon chocolate delicacies and, of course, watching a group of horny teenagers get hacked to death by a sociopath. Don't you just love Valentine's Day?The past three years in Hollywood should be anointed the "Age of Remakes and Sequels". After the successful reboot of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre back in 2004, which was only successful in my eyes due to 80 minutes of Jessica Biel in tight jean shorts, director Marcus Nispel resurrected another iconic horror franchise: Friday the 13th. This film marks the twelfth movie featuring the hockey mask-wearing, machete-wielding Jason Vorhees. Were any of its prequels remotely good? No. Each successive film in this series has been crappier than the one before, culminating with 2001's Jason X, a sublime epitome of craptastic comedy that centered on Jason being cryogenically-frozen and sent to the future. Would Nispel's new Jason flick bring a much-needed breath of fresh air to this stale franchise? Sorta.
(02/13/09 12:00am)
Remember Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas? That stop-motion animated movie that your parents mistakenly took you to as a child, thinking it was just another Disney cartoon before realizing way too late, after seeing images of hurled skulls and burning bodies, that the movie might be too twisted for a little kid?While Coraline might not be as visually gruesome, it's in the same vein. Marketed as a children's fairy tale gone wrong and awarded a PG rating (I'd like to disagree), this film is surprisingly adult and definitely way too creepy for the average six-year-old.
(02/06/09 12:00am)
Remember the good old days of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage? Throughout the early '90s, the World Wrestling Federation reigned supreme on late night television, with soap opera plot lines and absolutely absurd characters like Rakishi, who smothered his victims to death with his stinky buttocks. I am not ashamed to admit I was one of the multitudes of middle school boys who watched wrestling. When we weren't salivating over Trish Stratus, we were cheering for The Rock to deliver "the People's Elbow" or for Triple H to employ "the Pedigree." But then high school knocked, and we realized that the other primary audience of wrestling was fat rednecks over the age of 30.Whether or not you think wrestling is lame, the background of these wrestlers is one that has rarely been explored in cinema. The Wrestler is a quiet depiction of the trials and hardships experienced by one man who sacrifices his body just to make people cheer.
(01/30/09 12:00am)
If someone asked me who my favorite action star was, I'd conjure up images of Arnold Schwarzenegger smearing cakes of mud across his chest in Predator, Bruce Willis walking barefoot across broken glass in Die Hard and Keanu Reeves dodging bullets on a rooftop in The Matrix. But Liam Neeson? The dude from Schindler's List and the voice of that goofy lion from Narnia? No way. After watching Taken, however, I was forced to reconsider.Neeson has acted in dramatic films for the majority of his prolific career, with brief stints in the action genre in Batman Begins and Gangs of New York. His last major foray in an action movie dates all the way back to his critically-acclaimed performance in Rob Roy, over 13 years ago. For Neeson, apparently, the wait had been long enough.
(01/23/09 12:00am)
It's official: Everything needs to be made into 3-D! Just like the groundbreaking innovations of movies with sound and color in the early 20th century, 3-D technology is completely revolutionizing the American cinema experience, and My Bloody Valentine uses the technology admirably.Traditionally, 3-D has been reserved for adventure rides at Universal Studios or nature exhibits at the IMAX, but now it has the potential to rejuvenate the incredibly stale and unoriginal horror genre.
(01/16/09 12:00am)
The only thing this movie got right is its title, because after a single viewing, viewers will wish it had crawled back into its cinematic womb and died.The Unborn churned out a solid financial performance at the box office - $21.1 million - on a very slow weekend with little competition. When news of its low critical approval, which reached a pathetic 13 percent on RottenTomatoes.com, spreads to the public, its box office total should plummet. But how did the film sell out hundreds of theaters on opening night? The trailer.
(01/09/09 12:00am)
Most people don't realize that the success of a film depends heavily on when it is released. The fact that action movies dominate the box office in the late spring and summer is no coincidence. The major audiences for that genre are kids and teenagers who have just gotten out of school. Thrillers and horror movies do best in October (probably thanks to Halloween), romantic comedies and family movies are heavy in November (Thanksgiving) and Oscar-contending dramas flood in during December.The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is no exception to the movie-debut calendar rule. It's hard to imagine this film being released at any point in the year other than Christmas. The movie's magical aura fits quite nicely with the spirit of the holiday season.
(12/05/08 12:00am)
With the Academy Awards just a few months away, Hollywood often releases a slate of films competing for a late Best Picture nomination. Among this year's releases is Slumdog Millionaire, directed by Danny Boyle, known for reinventing the typically dark drug genre by making it comical in Trainspotting and also making zombies freakily fast in 28 Days Later.Slumdog Millionaire has a very original premise, centering on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, the wildly popular American game show. Jamal Malik (played admirably by newcomer Dev Patel) is an orphaned teenager who has spent the majority of his youth stealing and begging just to get by. He has overcome incredible odds to make it on the show and is now on the verge of winning 20 million rupees (around 500,000 American dollars). Doctors, lawyers and teachers have never reached the final question, but Jamal inexplicably knows all the answers. The police and the game show host believe that Malik is cheating, but Jamal has a different theory: it is destiny. Using cinematic flashbacks, director Boyle shows us that the clues to the answers for every question correspond with key events in Malik's life.
(11/14/08 12:00am)
The winter months and the end of the year are looming. With them, sprawling dramas, emotionally empowered cinematography and tear-inducing performances will soon inundate the box office, wooing audiences, critics and, most importantly, the Academy. A Best Picture nomination is viewed as the highest achievement for directors, a lofty goal reserved only for the cinematic elite.One of the films vying for the 2009 Oscars is Clint Eastwood's Changeling, starring Angelina Jolie (Mr. & Mrs. Smith). It's been a while since fans have seen a film with Jolie front-lining in a serious role (as much as I appreciated Wanted, in which she had approximately four lines and relied on her exotic eyebrows and luscious lips for 95 percent of the movie).
(10/31/08 12:00am)
Kevin Smith, director of cult classics like Clerks, Mall Rats and Chasing Amy, is notorious for his love of filthy dialogue, filthy sex and poignant romances . er, filthy poignant romances. His new comedy, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, contains all of the above and then some.As a thriving industry earning billions of dollars each year, pornography has played a large role in determining which forms of video technology will become popular. Mainstream porn picked VHS tapes to replace Beta, DVD to replace VHS and has just chosen Blu-ray to overtake HD.
(10/24/08 12:00am)
While I did not have the pleasure of seeing Max Payne last weekend, I did manage to talk to actor Mark Wahlberg on the phone about it during a conference call with two other college journalists. Wahlberg was funny, down to earth and extremely easy to talk to. I only wish I'd remembered to ask if there would be a Marky-Mark/Ludacris rap album coming out for Christmas. Below are our questions and his answers.Q: Have you ever played the video game Max Payne, and if so, how did this inspire you in the role?
(10/24/08 12:00am)
Ahh, can you smell that faint whiff of crisp burning in the evening air? No, it's not that fat kid who sits next to you in organic chemistry. You know what that refreshing scent is? It's the fragrance of changing seasons, falling leaves and autumnal splendor . and it's the smell of Halloween. Yes, the greatest holiday of all time!The reason I love Halloween so much is because it ushers in a full month of horror movies. While the horror genre may not be my absolute favorite, it sure as hell is the most entertaining. The adrenaline rush, the goosebumps, the little hairs that rise on the back of your neck, the boobies (you can't make a good horror flick without a proper set of gratuitous boobies). These are the amazing offerings of the genre - not to mention the subtle acting, twisting plots and audacious exploration of the dark corridors of our macabre psyches.
(10/03/08 12:00am)
A womanizer. Two idiotic gym employees. An ex-spy. A frigid pediatrician. A misplaced disc with government secrets. Anyone can spin a political satire out of these plot elements, but it is the super-talented Coen brothers who have have spinned them into a smart and entertaining statement. Fresh from their award-winning epic No Country for Old Men, the duo decided to switch it up with a dark comedy featuring an all-star cast.What many casual watchers don't realize is that the Coen brothers have released a couple of other successful comedies, such as O Brother, Where Art Thou? and the cult classic The Big Lebowski. Both of these movies had a layer of profundity under their vividly unique cinematography and plot concept of an absurd, poorly-hatched plan that goes horribly wrong. Burn After Reading will join their ranks as another worthwhile comedy released by Ethan and Joel Coen.
(09/26/08 12:00am)
"I'm the police; you have to do what I say!" Folks, let's take a moment to reflect on this very profound statement. Your next-door neighbor, screaming this at you, might leave you slightly befuddled. But imagine your neighbor as Samuel L. Jackson (Snakes on a Plane). Doing so instantly injects this somewhat innocuous threat with pure badass. Seriously, I would do anything to have Jackson's iconic voice as my voicemail recording, telling the mothafuckin' caller to leave a GODDAMN message.The line above is featured in the trailer for this weekend's box office headliner Lakeview Terrace, starring Patrick Wilson (The Phantom of the Opera), Kerry Washington (The Last King of Scotland) and Jackson as the antagonist. Wilson and Washington are newlyweds, moving into their California dream house. Jackson, a strict widowed father of two, does not approve of their interracial marriage.
